People are absurd, jerks, wrong-headed, strongly opinionated. They have an irrational thought process. With these beliefs ingrained in your mind, you decide to go out and meet new people. Unfortunately, you are going to have a really bad day. Without the help of others, you can't pull off the competition in business or challenging tasks at work. Yes, there are plenty of jerks around the world. However, the fear of ending up with bad people always makes no sense.
Warren Buffett, the big dog in the stock market, was once asked a question, "How you'd succeeded in your business?". "Well", he replied, "I do business with good people. That's the reason I have been able to persist in this business for so long. " His statement makes sense. When you are surrounded by good people, you can enrich your life. When you end up with bad ones, your life becomes miserable.
So, how do these successful people influence and make friends with the good ones? Next time you are out looking for those good people, kindly consider this article as a life parable on how to make friends and influence people who are thoughtful and intelligent.
How do unproductive arguments make the environment hostile?
Over the years, try to recollect the arguments you had in your work place, at home, or in any public place. Eventually, you end up remembering far more embarrassing arguments than the good ones. Arguments that hurt your pride and feelings take a deep dive and remain in your heart as unhealed wounds.
Charlie Munger once said, "How you behave in a place, will help in surprising ways later."
When you are in an argument, if you lose, you lose, and if you win, you also lose. Though you have won , you have lost because you have hurt his pride and lost your opponent's goodwill. He would eventually resent your victory. What you have earned is an empty victory. You haven't earned the respect of your opponent, though you are damn right over the topic with a difference of opinion.
The best way to win an argument is to avoid it. When you realize you are in an argument that is futile and unproductive, the best way is to get out of that argument quickly, no matter how bad the other feels over quitting the argument. At the very least, you have maintained your friendship and goodwill with those with whom you have debated and avoided physical confrontation.
How to handle effective arguments
Over the years, the arguments, the difference of opinions, changed the course of history. So, when the argument sounds logical and productive in nature, it can't be ignored. Instead, these effective arguments need to be dealt with in subtle and better ways—without raising your voice, losing your cool, or coming to blows.
In an argument, get the other person to say "Yes, yes" immediately. Socrates used this technique to keep the opponents saying yes to logical steps that led to his conclusion.
Picture this: two friends discuss the topic "The importance of book reading". One of whom is an avid book reader, and the other guy hasn't in his life time read books other than subject books for schools and colleges. We are well aware that reading books is essential to life, but his friend is a firm believer that books are just a waste of time. In a real-life scenario, what starts as a discussion probably ends with a heated argument. But, the bookish friend starts his argument through Socrates approach.
He asked his non-reader friend a set of questions.
"Do you love creativity?"
"We are living in the era of innovation. Creativity leads to innovation. isn't it?",
"Do you accept that books enhance your creativity and develop your vocabulary skills?"
"Do you find books to be reliable and trustworthy because they are written based on years of research into various articles and other books?"
"The most powerful people, leaders read books. Do you agree? " and so on.
Most of the questions would have been answered in an affirmative tone by his friend. That's what is expected out of an argument, the Yes material. Finally, instead of coercing your friend to accept your argument, persuade him to accept your argument through logical reasoning and a series of questions that end up with an affirmative tone.
Conclusion
Marriages are successful because when one of the partners yells at his/her spouse, the other partner keeps quiet and maintains calm. Some of the underlying factors that cause a relationship breakup include a raised voice and a refusal to leave the topic drop. Avoid pointless arguments and effectively handle arguments that are worthy. Please try incorporating the Socratic approach into your arguments and please let me know the outcome.
This is the first in the series of "How to make friends and inspire people." With hope, I will continue writing the rest of the series targeting the other refined ways to influence people.
Thanks for your precious time spent reading the article.
Reference: How to win friends and influence people - Dale Carnegie
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